Couples: Can You Tolerate Having Two Points of View?
In my last post, I discussed why we need to tolerate and tune in to the most negative emotions our partners experience. Staying close in those times can make a huge difference in staying connected over the long-term.
The other important and challenging thing to tolerate in relationships is the existence of two valid points of view. John Gottman, PhD. of the Gottman Institute, has found through research that couples who can tolerate having differing points of view while in arguments are more likely to stay together and get closer. In the heat of an argument, this is hard to do. We all tend to fall into repeating ourselves and arguing for our own position. We tend to listen with the intention of making our next statement. When I’m arguing with my partner, it’s easy to fall into feeling like: “If I can just say this one more time, it’s going to be obvious that I’m right here.”
What we need to remember is that our partners also have a point of view that makes sense to them, based on their reality. If you can work on tolerating that different reality, even when you don’t agree with it, your relationship will be stronger.
To find out more about how I help couples stay connected, visit www.annieschuessler.com
