Couple Time: Do You Have Enough in Your Schedule?
Creating a loving, safe relationship takes work. We’ve got to consistently work on it, mess up, and repair it, over and over again. Having the right communication tools helps a lot. Without the right tools, we all have a tendency to fall into damaging patterns some of the time. We might get critical or defensive, we might not express enough appreciation, or we might forget to listen. But tools are not enough.
You also need to have enough time together. When you look at your schedule, how much time do you find that you spend one on one with your partner, actually focused on each other? I know it’s not easy to find enough time. We’re all in the same soup. We live busy lives and have extremely limited down time.
Perhaps the only control we have about this time problem is to spend a little more time hanging out, and a little less time online or in front of the TV at the end of the day. Just notice whether it makes a difference when you spend a little down time with your mate, catching up and laughing together. It might take more effort than zoning out and watching TV or surfing the web. But if that’s the time you have to work with, try a little experiment of extending the time you focus on your partner by just a few minutes, and see what comes of it.
A woman once told me that she was worried that she and her wife had lost their connection. They were arguing a lot, and feeling irritated with each other most of the time. She wasn’t looking forward to spending time together. Then she noticed that when they spent at least a few hours together, unplugged, she felt more connected, and stopped feeling irritated with her. These few hours could get them through a week of feeling hectic and not having time to focus on each other. It was the shot of intimacy they needed to maintain their bond each week.
How much time do you think your relationship needs? Are you able to give it that time?
Visit my practice website at http://www.annieschuessler.com/ to send me an email, or to find out more about how I help couples stay connected
